My First Slacker Post

Oh...where to start.  I’ve never been a “blogger” nor do I follow anyone else’s.  I just see this as a good place to vent all of the comical, and never-ending, humiliating experiences I encounter on a daily basis - especially in the gym.  

About CrossFit... I approach CrossFit in a different manner than most.  Here are my main goals:  1) Maintain enough injuries so no one expects me to ever complete an “Rx” (prescribed) WOD.  2) Avoid days that involve way too much exertion, they lead to exhaustion and worse... a shower.  I, unlike my fellow CrossFitting junkies, do not wish to push myself to near death on a daily basis.  I do appreciate the occasional ‘PR’ but I’m not willing to rhabdo myself in order to have a good score placed near my name on the infamous white board of elite fitness.   

I was talked into competing for the games on Wednesday.  I can’t think of a scenario that would actually involve me making it to the games so don’t be fooled - there is NO chance.  The WOD was AMRAP (as many reps as possible) 10 minutes - 30 double-unders and 15 snatches.  If you don’t know what this means... just understand it fucking sucks.  Now.. snatches - not a big deal.  Double unders = problem.  I can manage the little buggers but it’s not pretty.  First, there is no bra strong enough to contain my breasts without impeding my breathing.  Second, I have killer shin splints with a little compartment syndrome thrown in - shit awful painful.  Third, child birth.  Need I say more?  Of course not, but I will.  I almost forgot the fourth.... flogging.  I equate the unfortunate event of a missed double under with a speed rope to being flogged.  Maybe worse.  These self inflicted injuries leave you covered in welts that look something like an S&M bondage moment gone bad.  Unfortunately when you’re AMRAPing for time there is no ‘safe’ word, just reps for time.

I encouraged my judge to bust my ass.  If I’m not repeatedly screamed at during a workout and forced to push myself I will likely take a potty break and practice some karaoke mid WOD.  Patrick (my judge) was wonderfully supportive and repeatedly reassured me that only HE could tell I was peeing my pants during the double unders.  Not sure if this was helpful but it was really fucking hilarious at the time.  At the end of my workout I was able to remain vertical and the details of my breakfast were still contained.  Getting ready to ‘in-your-face’ my amazing AMRAP score of seven rounds and some change my judge delivered the devastating news.  “Great job Ashley!  You killed three rounds and 33 reps!”  What the fuck!?!  Seriously?  I’m near death, covered in welts and completely humiliated for three rounds?  I pissed myself for THREE rounds!?!   So, I gathered my speed rope, ice bags and Ibuprofen and headed home for... a shower.

Currently ranked in a solid 776th place.  I’m representin’ for team MBS!!

Coming soon.... Pole dancing and strip club adventures!